Putting off marriage because of financial reasons.?
Answers:
First, good for you for raising these questions BEFORE you get married, and for attempting to clean up your past.
If he didn't sign the original loan contract or the credit card application, either as a joint debtor or as a co-signer, they can't touch him for funds. If you have made him an Authorized User (AU) of any of your credit cards, your behavior can damage his credit history and score. So remove him as an AU if this is the case.
But he isn't free of the potential influence of your credit history. Some lenders will not grant new credit to anyone in a household if it is known that someone else in the household has bad credit. Moreover, calls and letters from collection agents can be quite distracting, to say the least.
Be honest with your fiance. Tell him how much you are in debt in total, but spare him the details unless he asks. If he does ask, answer every question completely and truthfully, with irrefutable numbers, not loud, emotional people-pleasing guesses. Your context is not to tell him a tale of woe or a victim story. Your context is to make a generous gift of truth and personal responsibility that frees BOTH of you. If you put spiritual, emotional and intellectual energy into denying your problem, you'll destroy the relationship. If you put the energy into actions that solve your problem, you might well create lasting intimacy.
In order to get a truthful answer of the total, gather all your latest bills, and write down everyone from whom you've borrowed (confirm balances with friends, relatives who've loaned you money at 0%) and how much. Include others' possessions you've borrowed. Next, write down everyone who owes you money or has borrowed your possessions. Look at this as a discovery process and a lesson in establishing healthy boundaries: you might well discover that you're seriously, materially and financially enmeshed. Until you bring ethical, amicable closure to these lending relationships, you'll be drained of energy you could be using in your primary relationship, the one leading to your marriage.
Get a free copy of all your credit reports at http://www.annualcreditreport.com... This site is endorsed by the US Federal Trade Commission. Discover what's on the reports and dispute mistakes and falsehoods. About 70% of the population has at least one mistake on their credit reports.
In order to deal with the feelings that inevitably occur, have a support network of friends to vent with. Find successfully married people who handle money much better than you do and be willing to listen to their at-times-uncomfortable wisdom. Try a 12-step program like Debtors Anonymous, Shoppers Anonymous or Clutterers Anonymous. All have fact-to-face, telephone and online-chat meetings. Look at this all not as something to fix, but a path you can take toward growth and being genuinely ready to uphold your part of the marriage.
Seek credit counseling if creditors are on your back. You can start with non-profit organizations like the National Foundation of Credit Counselors, http://www.nfcc.org for a reference of someone in your area. Or the Consumer Credit Counseling Service (CCCS). Stay away from dangerous credit repair services that demand months of bill payments up front in the form of "donations" that are just sales commissions that don't help your plight.
I agree with an earlier answerer that you need a good 12 months of excellent payment history before revisiting the question of committing to a wedding date. See this behavior as a necessary learning experience. Do not have unprotected intercourse, not even once. Discuss these two issues with your fiance. If he shows a desire to rescue you from your woes, you don't want such a co-dependent man. If he remains angry and resentful, or he sabotages your efforts to improve your situation, let go of him. If he is mildly disappointed with the delay, yet he is supportive of your efforts, you've found a winner. Repeatedly praise him for his doing the right thing. Be willing to accept that he might want to let you go simply because you aren't ready.
I've seen some incredible success stories of fiances and fiancees, husbands and wives, ones who suck it up and take the 2nd job in an effort to gain financial freedom. Best wishes.
It's possible they might go after him. Do what you think is right.
Money trouble is the cause of many divorces, but why not discuss it together and let him decide if he wants to wait or is willing to take on your debt? In most community property states, when you get married your debt becomes his and vice versa. I know I have heard of a way to get of of this, but I'm not sure I know exactly what you have to do. Check with a local credit counseling service, financial advisor or lawyer to see if it is possible.
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money matters is one of the top four reasons for divorce.
if you think marriage is grand then divorce is ten grand in costs.
Great dowry, a $30,000 debt. Why would anyone want to marry someone with a proven inability to handle finances. Oh yeah, blinded by beauty.
try taking 6-12 months to work on your debt. are u able to refi your home & pay the debt off? or you all can purchase a condo & pull some of the money out & pay it off then. just work on payin it off & let him know what is goin on. maybe instead of havin a wedding you can have people donate & pay your debt off that way.
You will never get out of this debt, unless somebody helps you.
Your husband will not be legally responsible for your debts, but he will be morally responsible.
Talk to him. If he is willing, marry. If you have any bad habits and if you are in some kind of trouble, don't marry !
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