I am opened to criticism. What do you think of my letter? if you may read on (about Apprenticeship Position)?
Thanks for all the answers
I feel that practical hands-on knowledge/experience is just as important as the technical or book learning. Whilst I am enjoying my studies I am aware that I need to complement this knowledge with practical experience gained in the workplace.
So, with this objective in mind I would welcome the opportunity to work once a week, as a volunteer or paid in whichever department or capacity the company wishes in order to develop my skills and to gain more experience of the whole company's operations, and also for the sake of obtaining first hand knowledge.
Answers:
Im guessing this is your first letter to this company?
I carn't realy give a complete beakdown without seeing it all but..
It always pays to learn a little about the comany and what it does, try not to be so vaige, in particular;
Don't put in the part about "paid or volenteer in whichever" this seems very vaige and if any company has the choise thay wont pay you.
Find about an area you are interested in and apply for that, if nessesary ask to be considered for other areas as you are "keen to develop your skills on a variety of work related tasks" or something. At the moment you are expecting someone to scour there buisness trying to find something suitable, which they wont!
Would could help is if you included somethings from your cv e.g. personal statement ( i am a keen buisness minded person etc etc.)
p.s. i have a blank CV that i used for my apprenticship tell me if you want a copy
I would say something like this.
"I am an ambitious individual and i recognise that gaining practical experience can add weight to any technical or theoretical learning that i am undertaking.
With this in mind, i would welcome any opporutnity to work, voluntary or paid, within any department or capacity the company may wish, so that i can fulfil my objective of gaining first hand experience about the business.
I also feel that this would make me more of an asset to the company in the long term."
...but yours sounds alrite anyway! ... good luck with it...!
I work in the recruitment industry and having read your letter I think that you have laid it out well and I would definitely be forwarding it to all my clients if it was sent to me
I think this is great.
The only adjustment I would make ( and it's very minor) is. instead of using the phrase "or book learning" substitute it with "and theory side of things"
Other than that it is absolutely fine.
If the rest of your application or letter is as good as this, I would give you a great chance of impressing the company.
Good luck.
friend you need to trash this you will never get anywhere with words like 'whilst" . once a week they set the time not you.
you don't ever give the employer a choice weather to pay you or not if you ever want a paying job with this company. the last few lines do you intend to get a wide range of experience at this companies expense and then move on and always know the job you want to learn. observations not questions good luck and Godspeed
It's a good letter in determining what you want from the employer but you haven't mentioned what you have to offer them. Tell them about your studies, personal interests and personal strengths and they will be able tell you if they have a position where you can expand your skills whilst supporting theirs.
I feel that practical hands-on ('remove hands on' as making point twice) knowledge/experience is just as important as the technical or book learning (remove 'book learning' with academic). Whilst I am enjoying my studies I am aware that I need to complement (enhance?) this knowledge with practical ('practical' again you like this word?) experience gained in the workplace.
Are you attaching your CV? Mention favourite modules and healtyh & safety if possible, team spirit (more covert than 'teamwork') shows you get on with people
So, with this objective in mind I would welcome the opportunity to work once a week (what day do you have free?), as a volunteer (for expenses?) or paid in whichever department or capacity the company wishes (thinks fits my abilities) in order to develop my skills (base) and to gain more experience of the whole company's (repeating 'company' to soon) operations, and also for the sake of obtaining first hand knowledge (this last sentence from 'and ... ' has to many words).
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